When you’re at the doctors, do you understand what he’s telling you about your diagnosis? It’s most likely because they use metaphors in about two thirds of their conversations with their patients. When it comes to health, I want to know and understand what’s going on. Doctors use metaphors to explain more complex things to their patients. Metaphors help us in everyday life with understanding more complex things, and giving us a new perspective. Micheal Errard first made the connection that metaphors can help give a better understanding and that people have only been looking at only one side. He used the example of a US philosopher, Donald Schon, who was trying to develop a new paint brush and used the metaphor, “A paint brush is a kind of pump”, (Errard, 2). Dhruv Khullar made the connection from medicine and serious illnesses to the use of military language in the hospital. He explains that many refer to themselves as a fighter and the patients really choose for themselves if they think it’s a battle they’re winning or making them think it’s an endless war. The idea that metaphors can play a role in mental and physical health is something that should be discussed and explored.
I like the question that you open up with. Maybe begin the second sentence with “If so,” or “If you do,”. Maybe save the quote you used for a body paragraph, it is unclear how it connects to the points you are making in the intro. I would also make it more clear what your stance on the prompt is in your thesis statement. Your second to last sentence makes a really good point. Try to tie this closely into your main point, I think there are a lot of quotes in our sources that would fit with this nicely. Don’t be afraid to be more opinionated and clear on how you stand for your closing statement.
1) You are trying to discuss what role metaphors play in the world of medicine, however, I am unsure what your personal opinion on them is. Your opening question is good, it gives the reader perspective on how metaphors impact them personally.
2) Seems like you will be discussing how military metaphors specifically impact health.
3) Right now, you don’t have a very specific argument. You set up your paper as a unbiased conversation versus an opinionated discussion. It appears that you will be discussing cancer and metaphor…?
4) I really like that you include that the patient’s perception of the war metaphors will dictate how they go about living through their illness. The metaphors are important, but the patient’s interpretation and response is potentially more important.
5) I think that you are looking to argue that war metaphors can have both positive and negative affects on patients with terminal illness depending on how they are used and the response of the patient. However, you should try to make this more clear in the closing sentences of your intro.
6) You are definitely addressing the main ideas of the prompt. I would just be careful to make sure that it is clear that you are taking some kind of stance.